U

Ukraine, The

Don't let this go to your head, but a couple of years ago a survey of opinions in the Ukraine indicates people over there find Canadians "sexy." .

Union Members

Elderly workers identifiable by the amount of recreational technology parked in their garages, and by the fact that they're overweight and leaning toward the Canadian Alliance Party. Anyone who can think of a reason why people under 40 would join a trade union kindly contact the CLC. Urgent.

University Professors, Tenured

The last outpost of delusory Marxist optimism left in Western civilization. Aside from the tiny minority of serious scholars, university teachers and intellectuals and a slightly larger underclass of sessional instructors who simply teach their classes scramble for wages and have nervous breakdowns, Canadian universities have become a zone of educational and intellectual misrule, populated by cranks of all political persuasions trying to decide whether it's more important to impose a Dictatorship of the Correct, have free dental care for tenured faculty, or ensure that faculty offspring be able to study both classical and modern ballet. Nobody, meanwhile, is getting much of a university education in the sense that Cardinal Newman intended, and the universities aren't exactly cranking out better citizens. On the other hand, does anyone out there want to shut the universities down so we can go with television and/or the aggressive commercial barbarisms that are our only apparent alternatives?

Upper Canada College

If you don't believe Canada has a class system, check the number of political, corporate and cultural Visigoth who graduated from this ivy-clad downtown Toronto factory for closet homosexuals and industrial captains.