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	<title>dooneyscafe.com &#187; Clips</title>
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		<title>The Decline of Reading: QED</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2654</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2654#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Aug 2011 04:50:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Stan Persky</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[London riots]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NBC]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reading]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dooneyscafe.com/?p=2654</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[... or the decline of looting?]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The American NBC nightly newscast for Aug. 9, 2011 offered a minute-and-twenty-second analysis of the London riots under the Dickensian heading “A Tale of Two Cities.” The network’s London correspondent, Martin Fletcher, concluded his report with this voice-over on top of visuals of shattered glass: “A final thought that may say a lot about our times: in this shopping centre every store had been looted but one – the bookstore.” Closing shot: a pristine Waterstone’s window display in otherwise trashed shopping centre. Nuff said.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p><em>Vancouver, Aug. 10, 2011</em></p>
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		<title>Hey, look at the positives!</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2321</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2321#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Oct 2010 21:44:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Wally Hourback</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rob Ford]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toronto civic elections]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dooneyscafe.com/?p=2321</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Our correspondant in North Bay, Wally Hourback, tries to comfort Torontonians about having elected Rob Ford as its new mayor. He thinks there'll be a bright side.  ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Up here in North Bay, the spiritual home of ex-Premier Mike Harris, there’s a lot of chortling going on over the panic in downtown Toronto at having to face four years of Rob Ford, the manners-challenged mayor elect. Up here, when Harris was tearing apart Ontario, we learned that the best way of dealing with it was to emphasize the positive: Harris got rid of photo radar, didn’t he?</p>
<p>So here’s some positives I collected from my friends down at Tim Horton’s this morning.</p>
<p>1.) You’ll be able to drive your car without feeling guilty about it. Personally, I’d recommend that everyone select one day a week to drive everywhere, even to the corner store, so the Fordites will experience what it’s going to be like when they dismantle the transit system.</p>
<p>2.) The Mob will have something useful to do. Ford will privatize garbage collection, so they&#8217;ll be collecting the garbage. You’ll once again be able to bribe the garbage truck drivers to take those spent plutonium pellets you’ve been hoarding in the basement, or get rid of your construction debris for a couple cases of beer.</p>
<p>3.) No more recycling. Instead of having David Miller’s people sending your recycling to landfill, you can just toss it all in your garbage bin so it’ll go there directly. And when the recycling percentages go down, that’ll be on Rob’s head, not yours.</p>
<p>4.) Gay Pride day, and the parade will be cancelled, so here’s an opportunity to replace it with a parade in support of the <em>truly</em> oppressed.</p>
<p>5.) No more of those arts festivals with foreign-sounding names. Rob Ford will pass a bylaw stating that everything has to be in plain English, so <em>Nuit Blanche</em> will be renamed “White Night” and those <em>Illuminati</em> clowns will have to rename themselves “The Light Bulbs.”</p>
<p>6.) There will be more police to protect you—when they’re not out partying with Rob, or protecting him against all those communists who didn’t vote for him.</p>
<p>7.) You’ll be able to wander down to the Toronto Island airport and watch those wide-bodied jets take off and land.</p>
<p>8.) You’ll be able to lip off at those bicyclists as much as you want. There’s a rumour that Ford is planning a bylaw that allows motorists to nail them whenever they stray out of their designated lanes. That’s only until the bike lanes are removed, so this will provide only temporary recreation.</p>
<p>9.) The Gardiner Expressway won’t be torn down, and the Spadina Expressway will be resurrected. That’ll give all those unemployed communists at City Hall a threat to keep themselves mentally alert with.</p>
<p>10.) You will have a legal defense for beating up on your wife, and a legalized brothel to go to after you make bail—when Rob Ford closes the licencing departments at City Hall and rents out the space.</p>
<p>11.) There will be no policy reports and plans to be non-implemented.</p>
<p>12.) You’ll be able to spray your closets with DDT after Rob Ford legalizes it to get rid of the bedbugs and all those birds nesting on the office buildings.</p>
<p>13.) You’ll have a female deputy mayor who won’t look or act like Sandra Bussin. It’ll be Rob Ford’s mother.</p>
<p>14.) You’ll be free to throw beer around at hockey games and insult people, and there will be mandatory fighting at Leaf’s games—on the ice and in the stands.</p>
<p>15.) All those under-employed standup comedians the CBC has been breeding in its basement lab will have a new target.</p>
<p>16.) No more of those bothersome ethnic street festivals because there won’t be anyone to issue them permits, and you can forget about the Pan Am games or anything else.</p>
<p>17.) The waterfront will become a nice, dull place to drop off garbage and construction debris you can’t bribe the mob into taking off your hands.</p>
<p>So, you can see from this that it isn’t all going to be bad. If you run out of fun things to do, wander out on your front porch. In between the bursts of gunfire, you might be able to hear us laughing all the way from North Bay.</p>
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		<title>UCMTSU, or, The Shock Doctrine Cont&#8217;d</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2156</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2156#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:54:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gordon Lockheed</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[shock doctrine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[South Africa]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[therapy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dooneyscafe.com/?p=2156</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[No, you can't make this stuff up department.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Nope, You Can’t Make This Stuff Up (UCMTSU) Dept. This, just in, courtesy of The Guardian:</p>
<p>&#8216;Doctor Shock&#8217; charged with sexually abusing male patient</p>
<p>Canadian police investigate dozens of allegations against psychiatrist nicknamed for use of electricity to &#8216;cure&#8217; gay soldiers</p>
<p><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/chrismcgreal">Chris McGreal</a> in Washington</p>
<p><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/">guardian.co.uk</a>, Sunday 28 March 2010 19.47 BST</p>
<p>A leading Canadian psychiatrist who kept accusations of gross human rights abuses in apartheid-era South Africa hidden has been charged in Calgary with sexually abusing a male patient and is being investigated over dozens of other allegations.</p>
<p>Dr Aubrey Levin, who in South Africa was known as Dr Shock for his use of electricity to &#8220;cure&#8221; gay military conscripts, was arrested after a patient secretly filmed the psychiatrist allegedly making sexual advances. Levin, who worked at the University of Calgary&#8217;s medical school, has been suspended from practising and is free on bail of C$50,000 (£32,000) on charges of repeatedly indecently assaulting a 36-year-old man.</p>
<p>The police say they are investigating similar claims by nearly 30 other patients. The Alberta justice department is reviewing scores of criminal convictions in which Levin was a prosecution witness.</p>
<p>Levin has worked in Canada for 15 years since leaving South Africa, where he was chief psychiatrist in the apartheid-era military and became notorious for using electric shocks to &#8220;cure&#8221; gay white conscripts. He also held conscientious objectors against their will at a military hospital because they were &#8220;disturbed&#8221; and subjected them to powerful drug regimens.</p>
<p>South Africa&#8217;s Truth and Reconciliation Commission heard that Levin was guilty of &#8220;gross human rights abuses&#8221; including chemical castration of gay men. But after arriving in Canada in 1995 he managed to suppress public discussion of his past by threatening lawsuits against news organisations that attempted to explore it.</p>
<p>Following the arrest, other male patients have contacted the authorities. One, who was not identified, told CTV in Canada that he had gone to Levin for help with a gambling addiction and alleged he had been questioned about his sex life and subject to sexual advances.</p>
<p>The arrest has raised questions about how Levin was allowed to settle in Canada. Canada admitted other South African medical practitioners accused of human rights abuses, including two who worked with Wouter Basson, known as Dr Death for his oversight of chemical and biological warfare experiments that included the murder of captured Namibian guerrillas.</p>
<p>Levin, who made no secret of his hard rightwing views and was a member of the ruling National party during apartheid, has a long history of homophobia.</p>
<p>In the 1960s, he wrote to a parliamentary committee considering the abolition of laws criminalising homosexuality saying that they should be left in place because he could &#8220;cure&#8221; gay people.</p>
<p>His efforts to do just that in the army began in 1969 at the infamous ward 22 at the Voortrekkerhoogte military hospital near Pretoria, which ostensibly catered for service personnel with psychological problems. Commanding officers and chaplains were encouraged to refer &#8220;deviants&#8221; for electroconvulsive aversion therapy.</p>
<p>The treatment consisted of strapping electrodes to the upper arm. Homosexual soldiers were shown pictures of a naked man and encouraged to fantasise, and then the power was ratcheted up.</p>
<p>Trudie Grobler, an intern psychologist on ward 22, saw a lesbian subjected to severe shocks.</p>
<p>&#8220;It was traumatic. I could not believe her body could handle it,&#8221; she said later.</p>
<p>One gay soldier claimed to have been chemically castrated by Levin. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission was told by investigators that he was not alone. It also heard that at least one patient had been driven to suicide. Levin refused to testify before the commission.</p>
<p>Levin also treated drug users, principally soldiers who smoked marijuana, and men who objected to serving in the apartheid-era military on moral grounds, who were classified as &#8220;disturbed&#8221;.</p>
<p>Levin subjected some patients to narco-analysis or a &#8220;truth drug&#8221;, involving the slow injection of a barbiturate before the questioning began. In an interview with the Guardian 10 years ago, he did not deny its use but said it was solely to help soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress.</p>
<p>Levin said he left South Africa only because of the high crime rate, and denied abusing human rights. He said electric shock therapy was a standard &#8220;treatment&#8221; for gay people at the time and those subjected to it did so voluntarily.</p>
<p>&#8220;Nobody was held against his or her will. We did not keep human guinea pigs, like Russian communists; we only had patients who wanted to be cured and were there voluntarily,&#8221; he told the Guardian in 2000.</p>
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		<title>Nation Shudders at Large Block of Uninterrupted Text</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2129</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2129#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:39:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gordon Lockheed</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[literacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dooneyscafe.com/?p=2129</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Good grief! What does it mean?]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>WASHINGTON—Unable to rest their eyes on a colorful photograph or boldface heading that could be easily skimmed and forgotten about, Americans collectively recoiled Monday when confronted with a solid block of uninterrupted text.</p>
<p>Dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California gazed helplessly at the frightening chunk of print, unsure of what to do next. Without an illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in, millions were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long, unbroken string of English words.</p>
<p>&#8220;Why won&#8217;t it just tell me what it&#8217;s about?&#8221; said Boston resident Charlyne Thomson, who was bombarded with the overwhelming mass of black text late Monday afternoon. &#8220;There are no bullet points, no highlighted parts. I&#8217;ve looked everywhere—there&#8217;s nothing here but words.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Ow,&#8221; Thomson added after reading the first and last lines in an attempt to get the gist of whatever the article, review, or possibly recipe was about.</p>
<p>At 3:16 p.m., a deafening sigh was heard across the country as the nation grappled with the daunting cascade of syllables, whose unfamiliar letter-upon-letter structure stretched on for an endless 500 words. Children wailed for the attention of their bewildered parents, businesses were shuttered, and local governments ground to a halt as Americans scanned the text in vain for a web link to click on.</p>
<p>Sources also reported a 450 percent rise in temple rubbing and under-the-breath cursing around this time.</p>
<p>&#8220;It demands so much of my time and concentration,&#8221; said Chicago resident Dale Huza, who was confronted by the confusing mound of words early Monday afternoon. &#8220;This large block of text, it expects me to figure everything out on my own, and I hate it.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve never seen anything like it,&#8221; said Mark Shelton, a high school teacher from St. Paul, MN who stared blankly at the page in front of him for several minutes before finally holding it up to his ear. &#8220;What does it want from us?&#8221;</p>
<p>As the public grows more desperate, scholars are working to randomly italicize different sections of the text, hoping the italics will land on the important parts and allow everyone to go on with their day. For now, though, millions of panicked and exhausted Americans continue to repetitively search the single column of print from top to bottom and right to left, looking for even the slightest semblance of meaning or perhaps a blurb.</p>
<p>Some have speculated that the never-ending flood of sentences may be a news article, medical study, urgent product recall notice, letter, user agreement, or even a binding contract of some kind. But until the news does a segment in which they take sections of the text and read them aloud in a slow, calm voice while highlighting those same words on the screen, no one can say for sure.</p>
<p>There are some, however, who remain unfazed by the virtual hailstorm of alternating consonants and vowels, and are determined to ignore it.</p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m sure if it&#8217;s important enough, they&#8217;ll let us know some other way,&#8221; Detroit local Janet Landsman said. &#8220;After all, it can&#8217;t be that serious. If there were anything worthwhile buried deep in that block of impenetrable English, it would at least have an accompanying photo of a celebrity or a large humorous title containing a pop culture reference.&#8221;</p>
<p>Added Landsman, &#8220;Whatever it is, I&#8217;m pretty sure it doesn&#8217;t even have a point.&#8221;</p>
<p><em>March 17, 2010, Anonymous Internet (aka The Onion)<br />
</em></p>
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		<title>Owning the Podium</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2088</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/2088#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 22 Feb 2010 13:44:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brian Fawcett</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ayn Rand]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Own the Podium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stephen harper]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Vancouver Winter Olympics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[VANOC]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.dooneyscafe.com/?p=2088</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Brian Fawcett is enjoying Canada's failure to "Own the Podium" at the Vancouver Winter Olympics. Here's why.  ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have to admit to a more-than-mild attack of <em>Schadenfreude</em> at the so-far spectacular  failure of Canada’s 5 year $120 million  “Own the Podium” program that was supposed to produce enough medals by Canadian athletes at the Vancouver Olympics to win the competition for overall medals. It just ain’t happening.</p>
<p>There was something distasteful about it from the beginning, and not just because it offered nothing at all to the fitness and health of Vancouver’s 23,000 homeless people. It’s more to do with the “Triumph of the Reich” motif it barely concealed, and the open ruthlessness of its organizers, as typified by the near-sequestering of training facilities during the run-up to competition, or the recently-revealed “Top Secret” sub-program that had our signature competitors training on ultra-high tech equipment not available to other countries. One of the devices, a high-speed treadmill parked at the Calgary Speed-skating Oval allowed our strapped-in speed skaters to improve their form with a series of mirrors and cameras. That one worked splendidly, I note.</p>
<p>It stopped short, as far as we know, of Stephen Harper personally distributing steroids and copies of Ayn Rand’s novels around the Canadian athletes’ compound, but you get the distinct impression that this sort of crap wasn’t that far beyond the realm of possibility. What we are seeing at the Vancouver Winter Olympics is the Stephen Harper vision of Canadian excellence, with fuzzy mascots designed in Los Angeles and manufactured by Chinese factory workers, and if the aftermath is a poor medal haul, vast cost-overruns and a herd of white elephants dotting the landscape of B.C.’s lower mainland, I’m okay with that as an object lesson.</p>
<p>I’d prefer to live in a country where we didn’t chronically blow smoke up our own asses, and where political leaders who get caught out doing the same are punished for wielding the smoke machines, however high-tech and gleaming. Let’s hope that’s where we’re headed. Screw the Olympic podium.</p>
<p><strong>326 words, February 22, 2010</strong></p>
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		<title>Multicultural Real Life Drama #467</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/551</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/551#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 06 May 2008 12:12:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brian Fawcett</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Easter Eggs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Multiculturalism]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false"></guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">Brian Fawcett records a stitch in our multicultural fabric</span> 
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">***</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">A couple of Easters ago, I spent a blustery Ontario afternoon trying to track down the equipment necessary to make Ukrainian Easter eggs. I used to do it yearly while I lived in Vancouver and my sons were little. I had the most fun doing it with my ex-wife Nancy, who is of Swedish and British descent and a very good visual artist. It was complicated work, but the results were beautiful—hers, anyway—and the boys loved the eggs, sort of. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">Toronto</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino"> is filled with Eastern Europeans, so I assumed that finding the equipment—dyes, beeswax, and a special stylus with which the beeswax is heated over a candle and applied to the eggs—would be a simple matter. I dropped into several delicatessens and variety stores in my College street neighbourhood, and drew blank stares or suggestions that I try Shoppers Drug Mart, who were selling those silly dye-the-eggs-a-washed-out-pastel kits that contain a few stickers representing what manufacturers in China think the Easter Bunny looks like. Undeterred, I drove over to Roncesvales Avenue, the heart of Toronto’s Polish district. Same result, except the Polish shopkeepers were even less helpful. One curtly pointed out that Ukrainians decorate Easter eggs, not Poles, and implied that I bloody well ought to know the difference. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">It happens that I do know the difference between Poles and Ukrainians, since my wife is half Polish and half Ukrainian, and her Polish mother is always reminding me of what terrible things the Ukrainians did to the Poles in World War II while her Ukrainian father rolls his eyes in the background. When I asked my wife about doing eggs, she had a vague notion of what they were and that some Ukrainians did make eggs, but she thought that it might be easier to buy the authentic wooden ones imported from the Old Country. No one on either side of her family had ever decorated eggs the way I was suggesting, and didn’t people just dye them and apply the stickers?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">The next day, I drove a mile further north and west to Bloor West Village, where there are a half-dozen Ukrainian and Hungarian delicatessens. I was treated, rather surprisingly, to “No one does that anymore” and even deeper scowls than I got from the Poles. I gave up, noting wryly that while the Roncesvalles Poles treated me as if I was a Ukrainian, the Bloor West Village Ukrainians seemed to think I was German, and possibly making fun of them. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">A week later on Good Friday, I flew out west to my hometown of Prince George, B.C. for an event at the University of Northern British Columbia, which holds my literary archive. Within an hour of arriving, I found myself at a potluck dinner talking to a remuda of local college English instructors who were, as is universally the case these days, under threat of losing their jobs. I’m not sure if this is a hapless aspect of the professional development most institutions of higher education are obsessed with or deliberate bureaucratic terror, but these days, faculty cutbacks are regularly announced in the last month of classes. It more or less ruins the summers of the younger instructors, who spend the months that follow frantically applying for jobs and worrying that they’ll be forced to spend the winter hunting beer bottles along the side of the highway. Almost all seem to get rehired in the fall, usually feeling slightly grateful even though they haven’t gotten a pay increase, so this is likely what it’s all about. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">But it ruins a lot of potluck dinners, and it wasn’t doing much for this one, until one of the threatened instructors, a tall Croatian-Canadian woman in her early 30s who had been shepherding her highly entertaining 2 year old son through the maze of weepy drunks instead of getting drunk and bewailing her outcast fate like the others, broke the pall of pedagogic gloom by wondering aloud if anyone wanted to decorate Easter eggs the next morning. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">I did, and so did several others. None of them, I noticed the next morning when I showed up, were of Eastern European descent. One woman was of Scottish and Danish heritage, and another was so Canadian he didn’t believe he had any ancestors. I’d assumed, without asking, that we were going to be dipping the eggs in watery dye and planting Shoppers Drug stickers on them, but I was wrong. My host not only had beeswax, several kinds of wax applicators and authentic Ukrainian dye in six deep, rich colours, she’d blown the contents from a dozen eggs before we got there. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: georgia,palatino">We made our Easter eggs, and everyone had a fine time. The eggs I decorated were predictably horrible, but several that others concocted were genuinely beautiful. All were, well, Canadian. As I was leaving, I asked where my host had gotten the equipment. She wrote the name of a shop and its address on a piece of paper for me, and when I arrived back in Toronto, I had everything needed to decorate real Easter eggs, just like I had when I was living in Vancouver. When I bring the equipment out each spring so I can decorate eggs with my daughter and whoever else is interested, I simply call them “Easter Eggs.” They’re a Canadian thing.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt"><em>867 w. May 5, 2008</em></span></p>
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		<title>World Cup, eh?</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/456</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/456#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 05 Jul 2006 02:59:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Wally Hourback</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[North Bay's Wally Hourback has some remarks about the officiating in soccer's World Cup tournament]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I really don’t give a rat’s ass who wins soccer’s World Cup. It’s hard to get interested in a sport where they can’t use the body parts that made us what we are—our opposed thumbs—and I’ve mainly been rooting for the teams that have no local population so I don’t have to listen to the winners honking their stupid car horns all night after they’ve demolished the bars. </p>
<p>But I do have one opinion about it worth the time of day: the officiating in the tournament has been so awful it makes the officiating in every other major professional sport look as if it’s done by geniuses. It also makes the the people who run the other professional sports appear to be moral pillars of fair play. </p>
<p>The outcome of about half the games in the Cup tournament, I figure, have been determined by bone-headed refereeing, and the players are clearly aware that they can take advantage of it. In every game I&#8217;ve watched, they&#8217;ve been making the swan-divers and whiners in professional hockey look like amateurs. The absense of video recall on contested decisions invites game fixing and the whole array of corruptions that accrue to discretionary officiating, and I’ll bet serious dollars that the game-fixing scandal in Italy that’s going to unfold in the next week is directly connected. </p>
<p>FIFA, the governing body in soccer hasn’t seen the need to fix this problem, citing a combination of tradition and an unwillingness to slow the game that would result from using electronic devices to double-check contested calls. That’s pretty lame, and more than a few of my buddies tell me that this is all the proof you need that the fix is in. I saw Italy get past Australia on a bad call, and others who’ve watched more games than I have say that nearly all the officiating mistakes went to the benefit of the teams FIFA wanted to be winners. </p>
<p>I’ll tell you one thing. If the European racketeers aren’t already all over the sport, they better look out for the Las Vegas mob once they spot this one. </p>
<p><strong>367 words, July 4th, 2006</strong></p>
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		<title>Jackass Watch</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/445</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 25 May 2006 12:30:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Wally Hourback</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Wally Hourback files one of his occasional reports from North Bay, this one about mountain climbers leaving people to die, Christians waking up to the Da Vinci Code , and the National Post channelling the CIA once again.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Personal Best: item 34749, Kitty Genovese on </strong><strong>Mount Everest </strong>. </p>
<p>In the Globe and Mail this morning I read a report that no less than 40 mountain climbers on their way to the summit of Mount Everest ignored a fellow climber dying of oxygen starvation, 34 year old Briton David Sharp.Never mind that nearly 50 percent of the members of the International Mountaineering Jackass Club have now reached the summit of Everest, and notwithstanding that the minimum requirements to calling oneself a human being requires that one offer aid in a dire emergency even if it involves altering one’s intended course. Onward Ho! </p>
<p>The story author, Oliver Moore, talked to Canadian Urszula Tokarska, the first woman  under 5-8 within the 416 area code to have made the climb, for expert testimony. She offered the predictable blah-blah about how difficult the climb is, admitting that her “thought processes became confused and erratic” as she approached the summit, but stopped short of criticizing the 40 walk-bys. “It doesn’t reflect well on climbers, but we can’t judge them,” she said, calling into question her current thought processes. The reason we can’t judge them, according to her, is that sharing oxygen with a distressed climber might prevent one’s own ascent from succeeding, and that, what the fuck, Sharp was probably going to die anyway. Sir Edmund Hilary didn’t agree with this view, and neither should you and I. </p>
<p>I’ve been suggesting for years now that Everest be closed until the climbers agree to clean up the garbage they’ve littered it with—among the new hazards of the climb, I’m told, is avoiding the flying oxygen tanks that climbers regularly use and abandon. But this piece of moral turpitude indicates that a whole new level of hazard has appeared, and so my current suggestion is that we use one of Russia&#8217;s surplus nukes to blow the top 3000 feet of the mountain away, flatten it enough so that it can be used more efficiently as the high altitude garbage dump the montain has become anyway, and make cleaning up the mountain something useful all these self-actualizing nincompoops can employ their energies on. Everest has become an object lesson in the crappy way we’re treating the planet, and this might be the only way of turning that around. </p>
<p><strong>Parsing The DaVinci Code: </strong></p>
<p>I haven’t read the Dan Browne best-seller, and don’t intend to see the movie, having wasted a month of my life on<i> Holy Blood, Holy Grail</i> 20-some years ago before recognizing it was a fanciful elaboration of SFA generated by the jackass pipe dream that even if the visible authorities aren’t in control, a secret cabal might be. What interests me here is the sudden surge of outrage from the Christian community over the release of the movie. Dan Brown’s novel may be the best-selling book in thirty years, but the whole thing flew under the Christian radar because the kind of Christian believers who get upset about this sort of heresy simply don’t read, and live inside a cocoon of their own popular culture that’s as insular and self-sufficient as that of the corporate sector. To penetrate that cocoon, someone has to mount a multi-million dollar public relations campaign, and that’s what the producers of the movie did.</p>
<p><strong>More Hysterics at the National Post:</strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><span>And then there’s the National Post, which is occasionally accused of really wanting to be the Jerusalem Post it forgets that it isn&#8217;t. The Post ran an hysterical news story on its front page last week, based on a column filed by an Iranian ex-pat “analyst” named Amir Taheri claiming that </span><country-region />
<place /><span>Iran</span></place /></country-region /><span> had passed a law that would force Jews and other non-Muslims to war cloth badges on their clothing in the manner of Nazi Germany. As part of their fact-checking for the story, the Post talked to a receptionist at the Simon Weisenthal in </span><city />
<place /><span>Los Angeles</span></place /></city /><span>, a city globally-respected for its firm grip on reality, and then called the only two Iranians they knew in </span><city />
<place /><span>Ottawa. All</span></place /></city /><span> emphatically confirmed the rumour. </span><span></span>
<p />
<p><span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Aside from the fact that even if Iran was planning anything this silly, they’d only have to manufacture about twenty of the badges because there are very few Jews left in the country, the story turned out to be totally untrue. Since then, the story (about the Post being duped by its own bullshit) has circulated around the planet, and the editors have been busy trying the scrape the egg the paper&#8217;s masthead.  One would hope this stops them from treating the CIA and the Mossad as if they are news services, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on this if I were you.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>693 w. May 25, 2006 </strong></p>
</p>
<p> </p>
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		<title>Dan Browne, eh?</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/439</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/439#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 21 May 2006 18:23:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Lyle Neff</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Vancouver writer Lyle Neff offers a quick primer to Dan Browne and his real code especially for Canadians]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong><i>“HOLY BLOOD, EH? HOLY GRAIL, EVEN;” </i></strong><strong>or; <i>EXTRACTS FROM “THE ‘DA VINCI CODE’ FOR CANADIANS” </i></strong></p>
<p>Dave Browne, the noted but controversial paleo-scriptural researchist, put his square jaw in his perceptive hands and sighed. If the Naxalene papyrus-vellum fragments under his microfiche meant what he thought they did, then he and Natalie had to get to Moose Factory right away. Ah Natalie, he thought, my statuesque but disregarded archeo-glyphic specializer, my ex-wife, what kind of Panderers’ Box has my tireless study unleashed? </p>
<p>**** </p>
<p>With a sudden energetic burst of energy, Natalie, along with the marginalized but fat crypto-antiquer who also was named Dave, fell to her knees and began digging up the graveyard soil. </p>
<p>“It hurts, Dave Browne,” Natalie stated excitedly. “It hurts that your provocative truth-seeking is about to prove that Jesus Christ’s descendants have trained polar bears to guard their grow ops here for centuries,” she added. “It hurts that this textual-archival provider, who seems obese but goodhearted and is also named Dave, is actually a spy for the secretive society called The Priority of Kiwani, and it hurts that I am not revealing this to you, due to ex-wife reasoning. It hurts,” Natalie continued, “to dig up this permafrost with my bare hands. What’s the deal here again?” </p>
<p>“Midden,” Dave Browne grinned. </p>
<p>“You mean…? </p>
<p>“Exactly. A century-by-century sedimentary, meaning layered, record of a people’s leavings and droppings, including both their waste and their crap. But what’s this we see here, in the sediment, or layer, which corresponds to, meaning it lines up with, the period just after Christ’s supposed death?” </p>
<p>“Good heavens, Dave Browne,” expectorated Natalie. “Is this… *<i>frankincense?*</i>” </p>
<p>“Close,” grinned the oft-derided but fundamentally-honourable chrono-biblical engineer. “Natalie, it’s *<i>myrrh.*. </i>Real *<i>myrrh.*” </i>He paused. “*<i>Recycled* </i>real *<i>myrrh.*”</i> </p>
<p>Suddenly the other Dave betrayed them and the evidence was destroyed. </p>
<p>**** </p>
<p>Tom Smith, the genial but sinister Home Hardware franchisee with a mysterious connection to the Priority of Kiwani, tented his fingers and looked at Dave Browne over his gigantic desk. </p>
<p>“You see, Mr Browne, we Kiwanis have nothing to hide, especially nothing of an Essonistic, cabalish, or sectafarian nature. But we still don’t like noble lexico-Galilean linguists like you poking around after non-existent secrets we haven’t guarded for centuries. That’s why we smeared you in the monotheistic media, had that nasty cartoon of you published in *<i>Frank,* </i>and ran over your ex-wife with that snowmobile.” </p>
<p>Dave leapt across the desk and seized the old man by the throat. “Do your worst, Mr Browne,” Smith rasped, choked and held in Dave’s chokehold. “When we hit your statuesque but brainy Natalie, she just lay there like a poet without a grant… gaack!” </p>
<p>Dave was grippening Smith more tightly. “Just tell me one thing, you bastard,” he shouted. “What *<i>is* </i>the Priority of Kiwani?” </p>
<p>“Browne, you idiot,” hissed Smith. “Ssss! Just look out my office window.” He gestured jitterily out to the rink, where forty people were playing bingo, and another forty curled. “These people, Kiwanis for them is a priority… but for my organization, Kiwanis is a *<i>greater* </i>priority…” Smith sneered, and died. </p>
<p>**** </p>
<p>“Sorry I betrayed you, Dave. I’ve come to realize that your single-minded devotion to the truth makes you the greatest scroll-unrolling consultant of our times. Also pretty cool.” </p>
<p>“All right, Dave. Let’s just concentrate on breaking into this storage locker.” Dave Browne looked at his rotund but treacherous younger counterpart, and he, Dave Browne, mopped his tall brow. Inside the storage locker, if his interpretation of the Agnostic rubbings from Smith’s rink was correct, lay a stack of LiteBrite boards, their batteries dead for millennia, which, when plugged in and decoded, would provide a vital piece of evidence for the Christ’s-descendants-are-large-mammal-trainers-and-weed-farmers-in-Canada theory. Which he now knew to be true. </p>
<p>Sadly, he was betrayed again, and the evidence smashed, by the other Dave, a double-double agent if there ever was one. Only this manuscript remains. </p>
<p><strong>647 w. May 21, 2006 </strong></p>
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		<title>Hey! Maybe This Thing Really Works!</title>
		<link>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/411</link>
		<comments>http://www.dooneyscafe.com/archives/411#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Jul 2005 07:36:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Max Fawcett</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Clips]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Rachel Marsden no longer works at the National Post. Max Fawcett stops by, if only briefly, to gloat. ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;d like to take some small measure of credit for the fact that <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">The National Post </span>is no longer inflicting Rachel Marsden on the Canadian public twice a week. My article, posted here a few weeks back, was part of a growing chorus of Canadians who were seriously annoyed by the idea that she was being paid by a national newspaper to share her &#8220;opinions&#8221;. That is, thankfully, no longer the case, and I might even buy a copy of the <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Post </span>here and there to show my support for their editorial decision.</p>
<p>I should reiterate that it isn&#8217;t her ultra-conservative ideology that I found so distasteful, although ideology in general is a very dangerous thing. I have no problem with the Andrew Coynes and Norman Spectors of the world; catch me on a particularly good &#8211; or bad, depending upon your interpretation &#8211; day and I even enjoy them. I usually disagree with their politics and the way they see the world but they at least have the decency to a) use logical, coherent arguments, and b) avoid abusing the English language in the reckless manner that Marsden does/did. So if anybody ever catches me complaining about the difficulties presented by trying to make a living as a writer, remind me of this day. I can now die a reasonably content man, secure in the knowledge that I&#8217;ve helped to make the world a marginally less stupid place to live.</p>
<p />
<p> <em>Toronto, July 23, 2005</em>. </p>
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